Monday, March 17, 2008

Another Me

I'm in the midst of Friend-only-ifying my old Livejournal. It's a rather painful experience. I can't stop cringing. I'm starting at the beginning to hide the memories in an order that mostly goes from worst to best. The painful thing isn't only that I couldn't write very well; I still have problems with style, in my opinion. It's not that my tone is often that of a 14-year-old girl, though there's that. No, the agonizing thing is how vulnerable I was, how cool I wanted to be, and how open I was trying to be with the world. I really lay my feelings bare a lot in those early entries. My thinly-veiled crushes, my desire to be loved and included by friends, my futile attempts to be hip. It makes me want to protect 18-year-old me and tell him it'll be all right. That college will get better in some ways and worse in others. That nearly none of those girls he's pining for will date him, but others will. It also makes me want to beat 18-year-old me up for being a big whiner.

But maybe the worst thing is that I don't think I'm all that different today. A little older, and more educated, and more mature, but essentially the same.

I have to admit though, some of the entries are pretty hilarious, whether intentional or (more often) not. I'd provide a link for you to see, but unless you're my LJ friend, there's not going to be much to see there in a day or two anyway.

6 comments:

leahmackin said...

ugh, heard!

speaking of which, can you link my legit website (http://leahmackin.com) instead of my lameass, embarrassing-as-all LJ?

thanks dude(s). I'll hit you guys up with a link, as well.

Lily said...

that's exactly what i said, leah! and dave was like "no, this one is better." we showed him. except i don't know how to change the links so cancel that.

Dave said...

You got it.

leahmackin said...

thanks, friends!

Lily: girl, you get me.

Dave: do you really think my LJ is better than my real website?? I know my blog is kind of boring, but it is more of a news/event feature... what can I do to make it better?

Dave said...

I don't think I actually said your LJ was better. I may have just said to Lily "I read it more," which is true.

Your real website is much better in a lot of ways though. Informative, well-designed, the whole deal.

Lily said...

it's true. i have your back, leah, but i also misremember things.